28 WEEKS!!!

       CANT BELIEVE I HAVE 12 WEEKS OR LESS TILL I MEET MY LITTLE BOY CHIRSTIAN!!! SO IT HAS BEEN JUST ABOUT 3 MONTHS SINCE EVERYTHING CRUMBLED AND I AM OVER IT FOR THE MOST TIME BUT STILL FIND IT DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE, FORGET, AND TRY TO MEND MY HEART BACK TO TOGETHER.

        I CANT FORGIVE COMPLETELY CAUSE IT HAPPENED AGAIN AND THIS TIME THE DETAILS WERE ALREADY IN MOTION. DATE WAS SET, VENUE PAID, AND DRESS ORDERED'/BEING MADE... EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HIM AT TIMES ESPECIALLY OUR CHILDREN.

        TRYING TO FORGET IS DIFFICULT ESPECIALLY WHEN I CONTINUE TO FIND OUT MORE AND MORE STUFF ABOUT WHAT HE IS DOING AND EVERYTHING. I GET THAT YOU ARE YOUNG BUT DONT GIVE A RING AND PROMISE TO BE THERE AND THEN WALK AWAY. IDK FOR SURE WHY YOU DID IT BUT YOU CANT ALWAYS RUN WHEN THINGS GET HEAVY. YOU ARE YOUNG AND HAVE DREAMED OF THOSE TOYS AND DRINKING NOW ITS LEGAL. I GUESS IT DOESNT MATTER THAT WE HAD DREAMS TOGETHER AND A FAMILY... I HATE HEARING OF ALL PPL YOU TEXT NOW, THE NEW OUTDOOR TOYS, OR NEW GADGETS ON A TRUCK THAT YOU HAVE PURCHASED CAUSE YOU DONT HAVE A STAY AT HOME MOTHER/FIANCEE AT YOUR SIDE ANYMORE.

        JUST NOW YOU START ASKING HOW I AM OR IF YOU CAN BE MORE INVOLVED. ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS AND JUST NOW YOU ASK. IVE ASKED FOR HELP BUT HAVE BEEN TURNED AWAY AND THATS NOT RIGHT OR FAIR TO OUR SON. I AM GLAD THAT YOU CAN SEE A LITTLE CLEARER BUT THERE IS MORE THAT YOU NEED TO SEE AND I HOPE YOU SEE THAT SOONER THAN LATER. I DO LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL BUT MY HEART WAS RIPPED UP BY YOU WITH NO CONCERN. I KNOW WHAT HAPPEN THE NIGHT OF OR THE NEXT DAY AFTER WE SPLIT AND WHAT HAPPEN WAS VERY WRONG AND DISRESPECTFUL. THINGS LIKE THAT MAKE ME QUESTION IF I WAS TRULY LOVED MY THAT MAN.

         I LOVE MY CHILDREN AND THATS WHAT MY LIFE STANDS FOR. MY DAUGHTER IS THE MOST AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL SMART 15 MONTH OLD I KNOW. I ENJOY EVERY SECOND WITH HER AND CAN NOT IMAGINE BEING WITHOUT HER, THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING ME. MY SON I LOVE ALL THE MOVING AROUND YOU DO IN MY BELLY AND HOW YOU LOVE EVERY KIND OF FOOD! I AM COUNTING THE WEEKS AND DAYS TILL YOU COME.

         TODAY I BOOKED MY FAMILY FOR A PHOTO SHOOT AFTER CHRISTIAN JOINS US! I AM SO EXCITED! I GOT SOME MATERIAL TO MAKE ADALYN A LIGHT BLANKET AND GIFTS FOR MY GODDAUGHTER AND JENTRI (CAITLINS LITTLE GIRL)!!

         I FOUND OUT YESTERDAY THAT ADALYNS GRAMMY (MY 2ND MOM), WAS GIVING ME HER CRICUT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!! I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT AND I AM SO EXCITED AND BLESSED AND THANKFUL THAT SHE THOUGHT OF ME ENOUGH TO WANT TO PASS IT DOWN TO ME!

      WELL ALL IS WELL WITH THE PREGNANCY EXCEPT ALL THE PELVIS PAIN... THE DOCTOR SAID IF I GET CONTRACTIONS WITH THE PAIN TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. I HAVE A TOUGH DECISION AHEAD OF ME WITH CHRISTIANS NAME AND IF HE SHOULD BE IN THE ROOM AT THE TIME OF THE BIRTH, NOT SO SURE WHAT TO DO.... HELP!!!!!!

       MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 2 DAYS CAN HARDLY BELIEVE I WILL BE 20!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

LONG AWAITED......

I am 26 weeks and 2 days!!! Can hardly believe I have 13 weeks and 5 days left or 95 days left!!!! I am so excited for Adalyn to meet her little brother... She felt him for the first time the other day, he wasnt moving but she felt his arm.

Speaking of my precious daughter; I got her and Christians cribs tonight and put hers together even though we are moving sometime, hopefully soon, I bought materials to make her a canopy. I plan to get her Easter basket together Sunday. She is so full of life and her top two molars are both through the skin.. She has a favorite stuffed animal its her JAGUAR! She loves to blow kisses and talk up a storm... She is going to spend Sunday and Monday with her father. We are all three going one of those days to get her Easter bunny picture done.. When we are together for those few minutes it feels as we are a family for a short time again.

So I have been to Kohls so much lately because I had to buy a couple nice things for work and of course they were too BIG. Then I exchanged a shirt and had to take it back again!! Well tonight when I was getting the cribs the lady asked if I was having TWINS... I am sorry I know it was probably because I was getting two cribs but really am I that BIG to seem as I am having twins??

I am very sad that we are not in church anymore but scared to go to a new church... I really want to go back to where we were going but dont want to impose on Jessica at her church if she is not okay with it.

Saturday we are having lunch with my dad and his wife for my BIRTHDAY dinner. Really hoping that I can get this 4d ultrasound on my birthday. I also found a great photographer with a great special going on that I am thinking of hiring to do our family/newborn pictures after Christian is here and she will help with the birth annoucements too! I would love to make them but not sure if I will be up to it...

I am making my baby shower invites and not sure where the girls are going to throw the party now because we are not moving into the house where we were going to have it at...

I have been applying to jobs to hopefully get a second job for a few hours a day monday thru friday... I know I might be taking on alot but I have my two kids and myself to think about... I have a small part time job on Fri-Sat-Sundays sometimes but not alot of hours so it sucks.... I would love to get a job at a new apartment complex so I could possibly get an apartment for free!

Well I am going to get some sleep cause my little girl will be up aroun 7am and ready to go then ready for a nap around 10-11am!!!

Sleep well all!

Fun!!

So today we spent most of the day at the zoo with Adalyn's Granny and cousin Addyson! We had loads of fun! Adalyn is 14 mths and Addyson is 9 mths old... All day people kept asking "aww you have twins!" No sillys they are cousins! I guess the baby bump + two little girls that are similiar looking + our granny = me looking like a mother of two or of twins and expecting a third... I would not know what I would do if I did have twins and expecting another baby and doing it alone.... Man I would be super woman/MOM!!!

I have been scrapbooking every free chance I get (which I dont get alot)... I dont mind the little time I dont have cause my time that is gone is spent every minute with my beautiful daughter... Even today when she was exhausted we still had a blast when we got home... We played peek-a-boo with eachother and gave away kisses to one another!

My children's WONDERFUL Grammy is an amazing scrapbooker! Aimee (Grammy) and Nana (Betty) are making Christian's baby book. Aimee got the first page finished and it looks so CUTE! Thank you Aimee, and for always being there for me even though it puts you in a tough position... I love you and you still have a place in my heart. Your beautiful kids I still consider them as my siblings even though I am not marrying your son and father of my children anymore (or at least right now)....

Two Years Almost....

I am absolutely speechless because it will be two years May 26-27 since I was in high school. On May 26, 2009 I found out I was expecting my first child and the next day I graduated from high school. I then went on to attend school at OSU in Stillwater. I had fun there but the best part was my pregnancy. I was blessed with a great man at the time, we had some amzing times that we shared together. We welcomed a beautful little girl on Jan 19, 2010 at 6pm. We moved to Kanas together and started our lives as one. Everything was great, we were engaged in March and then in April, one day I was so fulfilled and the next my happy fairytale was gone. I moved back to Oklahoma, transferred schools, and got a job as well as being a single mother. I finally was succeeding on my own again and then my prince decided to come back in my life. At the time I had doubts but he seemed to change. Well November we got engaged once again and in December we got the news we were expecting our second child! Christmas was amazing and busy... January 19 our daughter turned 1! Could hardly believe she was one already! The wedding plans were in full swing, the dress was being made, date set, girls picked, and venue booked. And at the end of the month, BAM, fairytale was gone with the snap of the fingers again. Surprise, Surprise... After that I went through a time that was harder on me then dealing with the incarneration of my mother. I lost the love of my life and I still do not know why completely... And know I am starting to love myself again and starting to think I will find the man that will want me, love me and my kids as much as I do. I used to dream and think and was planning the wedding of my dreams but now I cant stand the site of weddings, wedding shows, wedding/engagement photos because mine was completely destroyed. I know I will never get the full truth or an apology for the way I was treated but I think I am okay with that. In life things are not fair and I have never had a fair hand dealt to me. I have had to work for almost everything in my life and I do not want to have to work to be loved... Currently I am going through a joint custody battle that has turned in to middle school drama with people I will not name or speak poorly on. I once respected some of these people but now I have no clue but I know that I will be seeing them forever because we are a form of "extended" family. I know that I will fight to be the bigger person in all this because its best for my babies. On a better note, I am due July 20, 2011, and I am having a little boy. I am naming him Christian Lee, he is kicking right now! I am 24wks and 6 days tonight. I love to scrapbook, make baby stuff, and have a big addiction to buying baby stuff! I have bought my daughter a new crib and most of everything I will need for my son. I am suppose to be moving with my aunt hopefully this week. I have a part time job on the weekends as a photographer/assistant. But I am going to try and find another part time job on the weekdays. I still attend college full time and I am going to be a RN. My daughter and I are going to start going to church again because it feels like the time is needed to be dedicated to our Lord. I love that I can see the best even in the worst times. God Bless everyone. I want to thank the family and friends that have stood by me and been so kind to give advice and love to us....