UGH........

I am so tired of posting sad or upsetting blog posts. I just cannot catch a break longer than a day.

My sweet baby girls allergies started acting up today and she was attached to my hip (WHICH I LOVE!!!!!) My son was a little quiet today. I spent the day with Bayli and Khayden. Bayli and I both got a new pair of tennis shoes. I do not really wear tennis shoes I wear my cowboy boots all the time! But my mom sent me money to go buy some so I did. I love my mommy!!

Well I found out some more stuff that a certain person said about me last year after my daughter was born. All I need to say is grow up and I am a good mother and person. I have not done anything to you and still havent, I know in the end I know what kind of mother and person I am. Its hard to believe that someone at that age should be more mature and not speak bad on me when I am a GREAT mother/person. I do not go around talking about your parenting or how you have messed up so keep it to yourself. We have all messed up and I know I got pregnant at 18 but it was the Most AMAZING gift I have been given. My daughter is so great and you and anyone else should be blessed to have her in your life and experience that moment with me.... I might have gotten pregnant at 18 but I graduated high school, I am still attending college FULL TIME, and working. So on top of that I have a BEAUTIFUL 16mth old daughter and expecting a son in about 6 weeks and still attending college FULL TIME and working on top of that. And plus certain people trying to bring me down. I am srry but I will not allow any person to put me down because I am winning I have a daughter that I adore and love, a son that is going to be great and a disfunctional family but they are so great to me and support me every way they can. Thank you to my mother who has raised me to be a strong independent and honest woman/mother. Yes I miss her everyday but still blessed for what she has taught me and let me experience.... My father wasnt in my life much but is now and he is helping me each day. I am shielding someone because I do not want tension between them if everything was to be known.

I am starting a 52 week BIBLE reading in June and hopefully we will be back in the church very soon! I plan to get my children dedicated at the sametime and that will be open to any and all family members when it happens. I love God, my children, family, friends, and my LIFE!

Can the Bad Stop?

First I want to say "CONGRATS" to Colby, my babies uncle! I wish I could have been there but with all the drama I decided not to go....So I continue to go back and forth on the middle name of our son. I really like Lee but Aimee mentioned Dee after his grandfather Shannon and that has appeal to me.... not sure what to do.... Adalyn is doing so great and starting to feed her baby dolls which is adorable!!! She will be a big sister shortly! I am 32wks and 3days pregnant!! Just about 7 weeks tops and he will be here! I am truly blessed with my kids and I thank God for them and every opportunity I am given.

I didnt get to go to the graduation but I did get to tell him I was proud of him. Yesterday had to be the a good day and turn into a crappy night. I was able to see my childrens family which I thought was nice but the way I felt being around them wasnt what I thought it would be. I love all of them but yet I was treated as an outsider and heard something from a guy that I am so tired of being disrespected from that I cried. I know that they are not trying to cross him but in the same it was as I was crap in their eyes. Here I go crying again writing this... I just cant help it. I cried the entire way home. I have shared some pretty intimate and emotional things with him and I know we are both in the wrong but he continues to treat me as I am dirt and not sure what I have done to deserve it. At least you could do is be civil in front of our daughter and actually acknowledge that I exist but you choose to say only two words to me and not say "THANK YOU" until I leave and you have to text me. I dont understand it. I dont treat you that way and I dont ask my family to disown you or act as you are nothing. My mom still asks about you and my dad too. It breaks my heart all over again and I wish it didnt because it hurts me and the kids.

And last week was another hard week with what happened... He finally came to an appt, this one made it the 3rd one he has been too. But it wasnt a good experience. Why is it okay to be on your phone the entire time texting another girl calling her "BABE" right next to me??? I dont think that is right and then act as you did nothing wrong. Then I offer for you to come see your daughter and you cant because there is something or someone in Shawnee that was more important. I have to admit it still hurts me but I know he wants to be 21 and single or go party but I think I deserve some respect for you to not do that in front of me....

I am trying to be nice but everytime I am nice I get ran over and do not understand why... So apparently I am a golddigger because I invited my childrens family to my baby shower... That really disgusts me honestly, I havent asked money of anyone, I have been the parent to buy the large and some small things for our son after someone refused to help me out. Baby showers are thrown to help the parents out but whatever. Just because you get an invite does not mean you have to attend. I sent a 3d photo to everyone and thought it was a nice thing, I am only trying to include their family in their lives.... When you get told doing that is bad and you are only trying to do a kind thing its funny because it makes you think well maybe I shouldnt include any of the ppl that think that and then would I be a nice or mean person then....

At times I wish I could move my family away or win the lottery to make all the bad stuff go away. It is all weighing so heavily on me and wish I wasnt dealing with this during my pregnancy....

INVITES AND STUFF!

Finally I got the baby shower invites mailed out! I am so excited to have the shower and see all my friends and family. Except I am scared no one will come because lately when I plan events people end up having stuff come up and cant come but hopefully people will make time for me and my son to join in this joyous time of mine and Adalyns life! I thought the invites turned out really cute but that could be because I made them!
I want to say CONGRATS to the Witten-Davis Family in Kansas because Aimee and Shannon were finally able to adopt her daughter CORA! I am so glad it finally happened and I know they are all so pleased and blessed!
I have another doctor appt this Thursday, as well as, court. I am excited for the doctor appt but not court. My childrens father is suppose to go to the doctor appt with me but I guess we will see if he comes to this appt. I will be 31 weeks on Wednesday!!!!! I can hardly believe my son will be here in 2 months!! Adalyn says "BUBBA" all the time!
At hobby lobby there is so much COWBOY FRAMES & WALL DECOR that I want to get Christian. They have tons of girly stuff and some large BUTTERFLIES that I need to get Adalyn for her room!!!!
Well we are having to be moved by the end of the month and still have no place to live yet... We looked at a potential house the other day but its only 2bd/2bth/2 car. The kitchen and living room were huge but I would be sharing the master room with both my children which can go great or be a disaster! I just wish my family was together again.... I love my kids though and they give me reason to live each day to the fullest and provide for them.
I havent been able to see my mom in a month and I am so ready to see her and hug her. Her birthday is next month on Fathers Day. I love her and wish she was here for me but I do have a couple women in my life that I consider as second mothers and they are great...
I registered for my classes and I might be retaking some of the classes I took this semester because I want to raise the grade in them. I had a really difficult semester and hope this next one and future ones go better. I planned my schedule to be all online classes with one entire semester class, 2 early 8wk classes, and 2 late 8wk classes!!!
Got to get ready for work!!
Oh I am thinking of making a home binder and need some ideas!!!!!

Strange...

Last night had to be the most surprising night I never suspected to happen. Cannot say what happen but in a strange way I am glad it did. I now know the answers to some questions that have been running through my head and then I got some had predicted to happen. I must say thanks for letting me know and that I am okay with knowing what I know because I am mature and will not hold a grudge or be angry. I have grown this year so much in to a Woman I am so proud of and thankful to be put on this path. Thank you God for each and everyday you continue to bless my life with your presence, my babies, family, friends and just the chance to live and grow. Now I know I have been out of church for a few months but I do still have faith and pray. I can tell our Lord is with myself and children everyday. He has guided me to a path and life where I am stronger and able to say "It is okay and I completely understand why you choose to take that road without me." I love you and will always have a place for you in my heart and wish you the absolute best in life and your career.
My birthday was beyond amazing!! A couple of my favorite women got me a great gift and I cannot wait to try it out. I had a great dinner and lunch with some great ladies and kiddos! All in all my day was great that day. I had a 3d ultrasound the day before and was so thrilled to be able to get that for myself and my children to see when they grow up. It was a little strange to be able to see all of his features. I wish I was able to have that same experience with my daughter when she was in my belly but it was a great surprise to find out she was identical looking to her father!
So lately I have been making so many crafts and baby essentials. Just last week I made my friend Caitlin a baby blanket and burp cloths for her daughter. I had made some binky leashes but have not been able to find any suspender clips in the color silver. I have been working on my goddaughters gifts as well. I need to go find some adorable material to start on my sons. My bestfriend Jessica just found out her husband and her are going to be having a son in October! There is another boy to find material for, they are huge Yankees fans.
This pregnancy has been completely different from my first. This time around I have had mild Braxton Hicks contractions. I am thinking I will not make it to my July 20 due date, I give myself till July 6-9 to have him honestly.
Well enjoy the photos! Always have faith in God and yourself.

 

 

28 WEEKS!!!

       CANT BELIEVE I HAVE 12 WEEKS OR LESS TILL I MEET MY LITTLE BOY CHIRSTIAN!!! SO IT HAS BEEN JUST ABOUT 3 MONTHS SINCE EVERYTHING CRUMBLED AND I AM OVER IT FOR THE MOST TIME BUT STILL FIND IT DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE, FORGET, AND TRY TO MEND MY HEART BACK TO TOGETHER.

        I CANT FORGIVE COMPLETELY CAUSE IT HAPPENED AGAIN AND THIS TIME THE DETAILS WERE ALREADY IN MOTION. DATE WAS SET, VENUE PAID, AND DRESS ORDERED'/BEING MADE... EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HIM AT TIMES ESPECIALLY OUR CHILDREN.

        TRYING TO FORGET IS DIFFICULT ESPECIALLY WHEN I CONTINUE TO FIND OUT MORE AND MORE STUFF ABOUT WHAT HE IS DOING AND EVERYTHING. I GET THAT YOU ARE YOUNG BUT DONT GIVE A RING AND PROMISE TO BE THERE AND THEN WALK AWAY. IDK FOR SURE WHY YOU DID IT BUT YOU CANT ALWAYS RUN WHEN THINGS GET HEAVY. YOU ARE YOUNG AND HAVE DREAMED OF THOSE TOYS AND DRINKING NOW ITS LEGAL. I GUESS IT DOESNT MATTER THAT WE HAD DREAMS TOGETHER AND A FAMILY... I HATE HEARING OF ALL PPL YOU TEXT NOW, THE NEW OUTDOOR TOYS, OR NEW GADGETS ON A TRUCK THAT YOU HAVE PURCHASED CAUSE YOU DONT HAVE A STAY AT HOME MOTHER/FIANCEE AT YOUR SIDE ANYMORE.

        JUST NOW YOU START ASKING HOW I AM OR IF YOU CAN BE MORE INVOLVED. ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS AND JUST NOW YOU ASK. IVE ASKED FOR HELP BUT HAVE BEEN TURNED AWAY AND THATS NOT RIGHT OR FAIR TO OUR SON. I AM GLAD THAT YOU CAN SEE A LITTLE CLEARER BUT THERE IS MORE THAT YOU NEED TO SEE AND I HOPE YOU SEE THAT SOONER THAN LATER. I DO LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL BUT MY HEART WAS RIPPED UP BY YOU WITH NO CONCERN. I KNOW WHAT HAPPEN THE NIGHT OF OR THE NEXT DAY AFTER WE SPLIT AND WHAT HAPPEN WAS VERY WRONG AND DISRESPECTFUL. THINGS LIKE THAT MAKE ME QUESTION IF I WAS TRULY LOVED MY THAT MAN.

         I LOVE MY CHILDREN AND THATS WHAT MY LIFE STANDS FOR. MY DAUGHTER IS THE MOST AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL SMART 15 MONTH OLD I KNOW. I ENJOY EVERY SECOND WITH HER AND CAN NOT IMAGINE BEING WITHOUT HER, THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING ME. MY SON I LOVE ALL THE MOVING AROUND YOU DO IN MY BELLY AND HOW YOU LOVE EVERY KIND OF FOOD! I AM COUNTING THE WEEKS AND DAYS TILL YOU COME.

         TODAY I BOOKED MY FAMILY FOR A PHOTO SHOOT AFTER CHRISTIAN JOINS US! I AM SO EXCITED! I GOT SOME MATERIAL TO MAKE ADALYN A LIGHT BLANKET AND GIFTS FOR MY GODDAUGHTER AND JENTRI (CAITLINS LITTLE GIRL)!!

         I FOUND OUT YESTERDAY THAT ADALYNS GRAMMY (MY 2ND MOM), WAS GIVING ME HER CRICUT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!! I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT AND I AM SO EXCITED AND BLESSED AND THANKFUL THAT SHE THOUGHT OF ME ENOUGH TO WANT TO PASS IT DOWN TO ME!

      WELL ALL IS WELL WITH THE PREGNANCY EXCEPT ALL THE PELVIS PAIN... THE DOCTOR SAID IF I GET CONTRACTIONS WITH THE PAIN TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. I HAVE A TOUGH DECISION AHEAD OF ME WITH CHRISTIANS NAME AND IF HE SHOULD BE IN THE ROOM AT THE TIME OF THE BIRTH, NOT SO SURE WHAT TO DO.... HELP!!!!!!

       MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 2 DAYS CAN HARDLY BELIEVE I WILL BE 20!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

LONG AWAITED......

I am 26 weeks and 2 days!!! Can hardly believe I have 13 weeks and 5 days left or 95 days left!!!! I am so excited for Adalyn to meet her little brother... She felt him for the first time the other day, he wasnt moving but she felt his arm.

Speaking of my precious daughter; I got her and Christians cribs tonight and put hers together even though we are moving sometime, hopefully soon, I bought materials to make her a canopy. I plan to get her Easter basket together Sunday. She is so full of life and her top two molars are both through the skin.. She has a favorite stuffed animal its her JAGUAR! She loves to blow kisses and talk up a storm... She is going to spend Sunday and Monday with her father. We are all three going one of those days to get her Easter bunny picture done.. When we are together for those few minutes it feels as we are a family for a short time again.

So I have been to Kohls so much lately because I had to buy a couple nice things for work and of course they were too BIG. Then I exchanged a shirt and had to take it back again!! Well tonight when I was getting the cribs the lady asked if I was having TWINS... I am sorry I know it was probably because I was getting two cribs but really am I that BIG to seem as I am having twins??

I am very sad that we are not in church anymore but scared to go to a new church... I really want to go back to where we were going but dont want to impose on Jessica at her church if she is not okay with it.

Saturday we are having lunch with my dad and his wife for my BIRTHDAY dinner. Really hoping that I can get this 4d ultrasound on my birthday. I also found a great photographer with a great special going on that I am thinking of hiring to do our family/newborn pictures after Christian is here and she will help with the birth annoucements too! I would love to make them but not sure if I will be up to it...

I am making my baby shower invites and not sure where the girls are going to throw the party now because we are not moving into the house where we were going to have it at...

I have been applying to jobs to hopefully get a second job for a few hours a day monday thru friday... I know I might be taking on alot but I have my two kids and myself to think about... I have a small part time job on Fri-Sat-Sundays sometimes but not alot of hours so it sucks.... I would love to get a job at a new apartment complex so I could possibly get an apartment for free!

Well I am going to get some sleep cause my little girl will be up aroun 7am and ready to go then ready for a nap around 10-11am!!!

Sleep well all!

Fun!!

So today we spent most of the day at the zoo with Adalyn's Granny and cousin Addyson! We had loads of fun! Adalyn is 14 mths and Addyson is 9 mths old... All day people kept asking "aww you have twins!" No sillys they are cousins! I guess the baby bump + two little girls that are similiar looking + our granny = me looking like a mother of two or of twins and expecting a third... I would not know what I would do if I did have twins and expecting another baby and doing it alone.... Man I would be super woman/MOM!!!

I have been scrapbooking every free chance I get (which I dont get alot)... I dont mind the little time I dont have cause my time that is gone is spent every minute with my beautiful daughter... Even today when she was exhausted we still had a blast when we got home... We played peek-a-boo with eachother and gave away kisses to one another!

My children's WONDERFUL Grammy is an amazing scrapbooker! Aimee (Grammy) and Nana (Betty) are making Christian's baby book. Aimee got the first page finished and it looks so CUTE! Thank you Aimee, and for always being there for me even though it puts you in a tough position... I love you and you still have a place in my heart. Your beautiful kids I still consider them as my siblings even though I am not marrying your son and father of my children anymore (or at least right now)....