Two Years Almost....

I am absolutely speechless because it will be two years May 26-27 since I was in high school. On May 26, 2009 I found out I was expecting my first child and the next day I graduated from high school. I then went on to attend school at OSU in Stillwater. I had fun there but the best part was my pregnancy. I was blessed with a great man at the time, we had some amzing times that we shared together. We welcomed a beautful little girl on Jan 19, 2010 at 6pm. We moved to Kanas together and started our lives as one. Everything was great, we were engaged in March and then in April, one day I was so fulfilled and the next my happy fairytale was gone. I moved back to Oklahoma, transferred schools, and got a job as well as being a single mother. I finally was succeeding on my own again and then my prince decided to come back in my life. At the time I had doubts but he seemed to change. Well November we got engaged once again and in December we got the news we were expecting our second child! Christmas was amazing and busy... January 19 our daughter turned 1! Could hardly believe she was one already! The wedding plans were in full swing, the dress was being made, date set, girls picked, and venue booked. And at the end of the month, BAM, fairytale was gone with the snap of the fingers again. Surprise, Surprise... After that I went through a time that was harder on me then dealing with the incarneration of my mother. I lost the love of my life and I still do not know why completely... And know I am starting to love myself again and starting to think I will find the man that will want me, love me and my kids as much as I do. I used to dream and think and was planning the wedding of my dreams but now I cant stand the site of weddings, wedding shows, wedding/engagement photos because mine was completely destroyed. I know I will never get the full truth or an apology for the way I was treated but I think I am okay with that. In life things are not fair and I have never had a fair hand dealt to me. I have had to work for almost everything in my life and I do not want to have to work to be loved... Currently I am going through a joint custody battle that has turned in to middle school drama with people I will not name or speak poorly on. I once respected some of these people but now I have no clue but I know that I will be seeing them forever because we are a form of "extended" family. I know that I will fight to be the bigger person in all this because its best for my babies. On a better note, I am due July 20, 2011, and I am having a little boy. I am naming him Christian Lee, he is kicking right now! I am 24wks and 6 days tonight. I love to scrapbook, make baby stuff, and have a big addiction to buying baby stuff! I have bought my daughter a new crib and most of everything I will need for my son. I am suppose to be moving with my aunt hopefully this week. I have a part time job on the weekends as a photographer/assistant. But I am going to try and find another part time job on the weekdays. I still attend college full time and I am going to be a RN. My daughter and I are going to start going to church again because it feels like the time is needed to be dedicated to our Lord. I love that I can see the best even in the worst times. God Bless everyone. I want to thank the family and friends that have stood by me and been so kind to give advice and love to us....