Soon!!!!!!

I have my 36 week doctor appt tomorrow afternoon! My mucous plug has started to come out the past couple days!!! My appt last week went great; my doctor tested for the Group B Strep and checked my cervix! I was already dilated to 1cm and 50% effaced!! I was so glad to hear that news because she said “He should be here in a couple of weeks!”

Tomorrow Granny is going to my appt with me and she is excited. I plan to have her in the delivery room if I make it to the hospital… So far my birth plan is to go as natural as possible. With Adalyn I made it all natural for the first 12 hours and had her in the next 3 hours, I was just starving and tired that I wanted medicine to help me sleep! I need to talk to my doctor because I do not want to have an episiotomy this time because I actually felt the stitches last time. If my water breaks I do not plan to go to the hospital right away. I really want to stay home and be comfortable until I have to go to the hospital… I need to Google how to write up a birth plan…

So right now for about a week my little family and I have been living alone. My aunt moved out last week and it was out of the blue and shocked me, more like I was slapped with it in the face. I am very worried about it because I haven’t been working in the past month because there have not been any events to shoot. So I have been apartment/rental house looking every day. I have found one that I love and hope to get but I have been trying to find a cosigner and not having any luck so might have to pay a double deposit of money I had saved for my maternity leave but my kids and I need a roof over our heads.

I have had contractions when people stress me out. There are still times that a person is rude to me or feels good to yell at me that triggers my contractions. I do not know what to do about it anymore. I am the mother of our children but you claim we only have one together because our second is not here yet. Sorry I have seen that we have two kids together. Yet you can go be with a girl that has two kids and act like daddy to them. It’s really funny because from what I know and information that has been relayed to me is that you have done something to her that has been done to you that you swore you would never do. I am very thankful you never did that to me.

I will always love you so much and hope that we can get better with each other and be civil if that is all we can be. You have helped me create two kids and I will always be thankful for that and you have a special place in my heart. I have so much love for you even after what we have been through I just want us to be able to work together on things. We do have joint custody which means we work together on things and should not keep stuff about the kids from one another. I know you will probably never read this but three weeks ago I poured my heart out to you and thought we agreed on the topic of our relationship… I know everything takes time and I realize that. I do love you and realize I have faults and I know you have faults as well but I fell in love with you even with them faults. I wish you the best and hope that you can see that we have two kids together sooner rather than later. I want you to be a part of his life but it did irritate me when you forgot the appt last week and haven’t helped me provide any of the stuff for him.

I finally had enough money to buy Christian his car seat and a bouncer for him and they should be here next week! I am looking for letters to make Adalyn a “Big Sister” shirt for our family pictures! I am very excited to add her brother to our family and nervous about being a single mom of two and having both at the same time at home when we leave the hospital. We started going back to church and it felt like HOME! I didn’t realize how much I missed church until we went again; God has already started to bless my family… My car finally got registered today, more money wish I could have in my pocket instead but oh well.

Little sad note: I do feel sad because I am so alone. I feel like my friends are always so busy that I never see them and not having another parent (support person) to be around to help me. It is lonely doing it by yourself at times but I also feel like I am stronger and have accomplished so much with doing it alone.

I have not got to scrapbook in about a month because all my stuff is already packed ready to move. I have to finish making Christian’s blankets because he has no blankets what so ever.

His baby shower was fun but I really wish more people would have shown but it was still great to see the ones that went. It is really strange to not be with his father this time around because when we were expecting Adalyn everything was so different with us, the pregnancy and the families’ involvement. It is weird because everything has taken 180 degrees this pregnancy.