Please...

Today I have had many breakdowns and I am at my end. I am feeling as a mother that is failing her children because I have yet to be approved for an apartment. I am financially struggling and wish it was 6 weeks so I could start working and try to find a second job, if needed. I broke down in the car ride home down and prayed to God to send answers and guidance to me and to look after my family and extended family in our down times. I have a few more places to apply but if I dont find anything that I can move in by the end of this month then I am moving all our stuff into storage and either staying with my dad, ask a friend if I can move with them for a while (it would be out of state though) or stay at a hotel for a while till I can get my school money and just pay for a rent house for a few months ahead. I really do not know what to do anymore. And there is another matter that has been in my head and hope it will go away. Why am I still wanting him when I know he is with another? I have read some things and it makes me ask that question could she be? I could be just be thinking the worst. Ugh so the child support I am suppose to be receiving for my daughter hasnt come in yet and when I asked him if he had been hired on he didnt want to answer me. Why are guys so stubborn sometimes? We are both stubborn and both our children have inherited that from us!!! Christian had another bili test done today so hoping I will hear the results tomorrow, praying that it is good. Today I cleaned a bit and packed up some stuff (more like I just tossed stuff in boxes). I really do not want to have to put stuff in storage because I will have to get another storage building. I bet I could get an apt but it would be the crappy ones and I cannot put my kids in a place like that. And no complex will let get a one bedroom because we will have 3 occupants which I hate. I am too scared to just put my daughter and I on the lease because if they find out they may try to kick me out. I have been looking all over the state for apts, I really only want something for 6 months in case I have to move far out of town I will have to attend school in January on campus. Why is it that people feel it is okay to block you on facebook when you have their grandchildren? I find it really sad that my son is being shunned by half of his family because they are mad at me for something I have no clue what I've done. We all used to be so close and I miss that but I can play hard ball too. It is looking as I am going to have to start playing harder and not let people walk all over me. I have all the proof I need now to know what I have been suspecting, his new girlfriend (they have only been together a couple months) has been around my daughter. I do not agree with that and I do not like it at all. I hate that we have joint custody and when I ask something it is felt that I do not need to know about it but when you ask me something I am suppose to spill everything to you. Yet when I do, I am still the bad person and the mean one. I go out of my way to make a call to you so our child can speak to you but I dont get the same consideration or respect I should be receiving. I know it will take time to get civil again because we are both so upset with each other. I will always love you but I dont have to agree with what is happening. I wish I was over all this, I think taking my family and moving away to get a fresh start would be great for us!!!!!
Please send prayer our way for my family.... Need all we can get right now.