Off day

Well I called into work today cause my son had a fever again. I took him to the hospital last night to have him checked out. He has an upper respiratory infection. poor baby boy. His fever goes up and down. There really are some great people in this world, a man that stays in my aunts apartment complex has generously offered to pay my electric bill for this month and next month. I am so blessed that happen because finances are so tight right now. His wife and him told me to tell them if I need anything else paid for to let them know. God truly is looking out for us. I know I shouldnt think about money but I pray that my childrens child support starts kicking in and that my daughters starts paying paid in the full amount. Thanksgiving was amazing until one thing happen but after that it was amazing again!!! Spent time with my mother, the Cox, and Jones families. Adalyn got to see her father briefly on Thanksgiving, umm Christian didnt cause he didnt get held or looked at by their father. I feel bad for my son but at least I was the only one to witness it and I have people to see how they are treated and instead of hear say.... Adalyn has her first pair of heels and she is playing in them right now but loves them! OMG the wind is blowing so hard im scared to take the kids outside... OH my the kids took a 3 hour nap today!!!! Black friday was not as bad as I thought it would be but I just wish I had the finances to start buying stuff.... I feel like im failing my kids somehow. Well everyone have a blessed day....

What a day!!!!!!

Well I started working last week and I like it sometimes but I miss my kids oh so much... Today we had a full day of doctor appts and getting the children some more winter clothes! Adalyn got a huge Billy goat. Christian went to the doctor today to have his eye checked because it was swollen for 2 days. He is fine but he could have animal allergies. Adalyn hasnt been feeling very well today and I am not sure why. I made dinner this evening and it was delicious!!! Steak and Potatoes!!! But I made the fire alarm go off so I opened the window and everything in front of it is soaked... Adalyn put her pants on all by herself today granted they were on backwards she still got them on!! She is growing up so fast! Cant believe Thanksgiving is in three days! I am going to The Cox family and Cecil/Ketchum family dinners. Cant wait for the kids to meet some more of their family that I havent seen in 2 years! I had a girls night Saturday, we went to dinner and then seen BREAKING DAWN!!!! OMG it was so amazing I cant wait to see it again and for Part 2. I loved Charlie's wedding toast! "I know Edward will be a good husband cause Im a cop I know those kind of things!!!" Well thats only part of it but it was great!!!

Heya!!

It is almost 4 o'clock in the morning. Man oh man has so much happen since my last blog. Well to start things off I had to call the cops last night on my childrens father because he decided to break the court order and allow our children to sleep at his wifes house (his new wife from about 7 hours ago). So yeaterday was the first time he was allowed to take our son, (now I dont think he should have been but the judge ordered it so thats okay), it is killing me but I am getting through it, well we had made other arrangements to the pick up times he got him at 8 a.m. (3 hours early) I told him I would be there at 8a.m. today and he is trying to tell me he isnt giving me my son. I am sorry but I will get my son and if I have to involve the police I will. I seriously never saw my life where it is today and especially not being able to get along with my childrens father. I have so much anger built up towards him and certain people in his family because he has treated me like a POS, only wants minimal contact with his son when its convienant (he even misses his doctors appts cause he has other stuff to do), and his family for allowing him to continue all this and for them shunning their grandson/nephew/cousin. It is a poor shame that our kids have the same father but one is treated differently and put behind two other children and a woman. I might be bitter but it is all for good cause. I wasnt surprised when he got hitched because I know why he did it was to have the kids spend the night at her house. I have met her a couple times and have nothing bad to say about her, I dont know her and dont have respect for her cause of somethings that have happened. IDK really what to say but I think it is pretty funny that someone can cheat and lie to a person but they feel its okay to hitch and give similar stuff to another person you gave another. I am really dying to move my kids, my mother, and myself away from all this cause there is really nothing for them cause there is so much negative energy around. I want my children to grow up in an environment that is loving and caring and I dont see any of that going on around them. I about went crazy today. I am used to my daughter going with their father but I am not used to my son going. When you spend 9 months pregnant then 5 months with your child always with you it is hard to let go I cried for about 5 hours this morning and some more this evening. I did the same with Adalyn the first couple months she started going with her father. I still have yet to receive any child support for our son or any help when I ask their father to buy a box of diapers for them. The child support I receive for our daughter keeps getting reduced because his employer keeps shorting me. I am beyond angry. Raising two children isnt cheap and when you ask for help you would think the other parent would want to help out but no they arent a big priority anymore he has a wife and two other children to care for. All this stuff will bite you in the butt in a couple years. He told me not too long ago that "All I have done is f***** up his life". I was shocked I carried and birthed his two children and loved that man he was for 2 years and I messed his up. I am the one caring for our kids with little help, I was the one left twice for no reason, I am contiunously humilated by you and put down, you call me names, you call me your wifes name, you bring women around me, you drag me through court. but yet when I bring the kids around you and your family or work with you on your times I am the bad person I never do anything to help you. I am so angry and tired of all this I know the truth and have all the proof in messages and recordings. Its so sad that I feel I need to send them to you because you are so dumbfounded on the entire issue. I am just angry and I am ranting.

ON A BETTER NOTE CHRISTIAN E.L. BIEGER WEIGHED IN AT 17LB 11OZ AND 26IN LONG!!! MY SON IS GETTING SO BIG! MY DAUGHTER IS DOING GREAT SHE HAS STARTED TO SAY A FEW PHRASES! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SHE WILL BE TWO IN JANUARY.... I CANNOT WAIT TO START MAKING HER STUFF FOR HER PARTY AND PLANNING IT. WE ARE GOING TO TAKE SOME MORE PICTURES HOPEFULLY SOON, WHEN I START TO GET MY PAYCHECKS AND HOPEFULLY CHILD SUPPORT. I AM STILL LOVING MY APT BUT I WAS SUPPOSE TO CLEAN TODAY AND THAT DIDNT HAPPEN..... OH WELL I AM GOING BACK TO SLEEP I HAVE TO WAKE UP SOON TO GET READY AND GO GET MY SON!!! I REALLY HOPE HE IS WHERE HE SHOULD BE WITH OUR CHILDREN I DONT FEEL LIKE DRIVING ALL OVER. SWEET DREAMS AND SORRY FOR MY ANGRY RANTING....

LoVe....

LOVE is a main reason I am here. I love to give out LOVE to people. I love my children, mother, GOD, and friends, and family. I am blessed to have people in my life that stick by me! Today the kids and I got to take photos with my mother! The photographer is working on a project to show the governor of the women in prison on nonviolent crimes and how it hurts their children and grandchildren being in the. I is going to be made into a book so hopefully some more laws will be made to help get women released... I love my mother so much no matter what choices she has made, we all make mistakes and just need someone to give us a chance to prove what we are made of. I am extremely proud of my mother it took her a decade before she finally got her GED but it took her being behind bars to accomplish that, prison is good for people in a way. I cannot wait to have her home!!!!! My hands are getting fuller and fuller everyday with the kids. Tonight I had one in my arms and the other laying across my lap. I am blessed with them! Today I won a FREE $20 print credit from this amazing photographer! Cant wait to go have our pictures taken. I think I am going to do a session for myself that way I will have photos of myself to put up next to the kids professional photos!!!

YAY!!!

I COULD NOT BE ANY HAPPIER WITH MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. GOD IS TRULY BLESSING ME WITH SOME GOOD THINGS. MY KIDS ARE DOING WONDERFUL AND CHANGING SO MUCH EACH DAY! I HAD AN AMAZING NIGHT LAST WEEK! I HAVE ANOTHER DATE TOMORROW NIGHT AND CANT WAIT TO GO TO IT!!!!! I AM FINALLY IN A PLACE THAT I DONT CARE ANYMORE AND THAT ITS OK THAT THEY HAVE MADE THIS BED AND WILL HAVE TO LAY IN IT LATER!
MY MEDICAL SITUATION IS NOT GOING TO WELL.... I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THAT BUT I GUESS I HAVE TO TAKE WHAT I CAN GET. I AM SCARED EVERYDAY THAT I COULD POSSIBLY BE BACK IN THAT HOSPITAL BED. MY PT/INR LEVELS ARE PRETTY LOW AND I HAVE HAD MY MEDICINE UPED TO 7.5MG IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS.
NEXT WEEK I SHOULD HEAR IF I GOT THE APT IN MOORE OR NOT. I AM GOING TO LOOK AT A PLACE IN DUNCAN AND HOPEFULLY CAN MAKE A TRIP TO EUFALA TO LOOK AT A HOUSE ON SOME LAND!!!
MY BESTFRIEND JESSICA'S BABY SHOWER IS THIS WEEKEND AND I AM EXCITED EXCEPT I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO AFFORD TO BUY HER ANYTHING. I WILL JUST MAKE LITTLE GARRETT SOME STUFF BEFORE HE IS BORN!
I AM A LITTLE SAD THAT THE LITTLE SISTER I ONCE HAD WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME BUT I GUESS THATS FINE AND SHE IS GROWING INTO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND I HOPE WE CAN BE FRIENDS ONE DAY. LOVE YOU C.
I GOT ALL MY SCHOOL BOOKS THE OTHER DAY EXCEPT FOR ONE BUT I AM GETTING THAT ONE ON MONDAY!!!
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!!!!

Blessed

Howdy! Well my hospital stay ended after four days there... I have to be on blood thinners for a while. Lately the doctors are not able to get my pt/inr levels stable enough. My levels are staying too low and that's not good at all. I seen my ob the other day and found out that if I ever get pregnant again I will be a high risk pregnancies wasn't expecting that. Also the only birth control I can ever have is a copper iud because I can't have anything that will release hormones. The kids and I are doing amazing!!!! We moved in with my dad for a while it's not too bad! I still have nightmares about certain things. I have questions as to why they are being treated this way and that no one seems to care at all about them....... It's really sad and upsetting. I start school next week!! I think I might have a date tomorrow night! It will be my first date since the disaster happened and I'm super excited. The distance is doing wonders for me and I can't wait for our visit to Kansas!!! We are going to visit Ashley then we are going close to Kansas City to visit one of my childhood friends!!! Thinking of taking the kids for a walk and hopefully to the library to finally get these papers printed off and sent in to get this stuff handled. If you just ask I would let you but no one seems to even want to ask. I've applied to two jobs so far and I have a newspaper full of rceptionist jobs to apply for! There's one at the hospital that would be perfect hours that I hope I get and there was an ad for a work at home position which I would love!!!! Have a blessed day!

Hospital Stay....

Here is my hospital stay update so far...
   Wednesday I woke up with a sore throat and runny nose. I figured I caught a cold. I had my aunt take Adalyn that evening so I could try and sleep it off. Well it seemed as Christian woke up for everything that night and I got no sleep till the next morning.
   Thursday I woke up with a sore throat, runny nose and a cough. I felt better but still sick. Everytime I got up to do something I would have to stop and catch my breathe, then I got the chills. When I got the chills I checked my temperature and it was 102 degrees. I checked Christian's temperature and he was a little below normal. I called my aunt to take me to the hospital. So they took tons of blood, checked my tonsils, did a strep test, those all came back alright. They ran an xray to check for pneumonia and that was clear. The doctor said with just having a baby I can be at risk for blood clots and it would be wise to have a CAT scan, so I agreed. The first run with the CAT scan didnt go well my pulmonary artery popped when the contrast entered my arm. So we had to do it again and the results showed a blood clot in my left lower lung.... They think we caught it soon enough to where it wont travel or multiply. They had me admitted me and started me on blood thinners. I am on a shot and a pill for the blood clot.
Friday I got an ultrasound on my heart and legs. I am still waiting on those results but I pray they are good. I should be able to go home tomorrow or Sunday. I am ready to pull my IV out of my arm its not in the right place when you are trying to hold a baby. I have to pump and discard my breast milk for five days and it sucks because I am pumping so much.... I will have to be on the blood thinner pill for a least three months. Christian isnt doing to great with the quick switch to the bottle he has been acting different. Luckily I had enough milk stored for one day and when he wakes up it will be his first try at formula. I had to borrow a breast pump from labor and delivery and they are asking for it back but its working amazing for me. The nurses have been super nice and helpful with accomdating my son. I dont have anywhere else to have him stay he is too young and I dont really trust anyone enough to keep him. A special person came up today and brought me my favorite thing a APPLE PIE, she knew I love it!!! Shes so sweet and loves the kids... I will keep the updates coming...

No way!

How can this be? Why do yall choose to be this way? I try and try but still get shot down by many. I feel as I am being lied to by so many and dont understand why... I have lied recently and made the mistake of doing that but I confessed it and apologized for it. I dont get enjoyment when I lied but do some people enjoy it. I tell you I dont want to fight anymore but you cut the ties with me. I am really thinking it is time to move out of state for a while and be done with it all. I cannot handle being sad and depressed every second of every day. New Jersey is looking promising to go to for a while with the kids! My son needs prayers, I pray that today is the last time he will have to go to the hospital to have his bili rubin checked. I pray that resources will be blessed upon my family of three. When I am blessed with much I shall deem blessings on ones that have not betrayed me, shunned me or my kids, disrespected us or anything. I wish the world can one day be evil and hurt free. I seen somethings this week I wish to have never seen but that is life and the cost of losing one you love. Granmama I looked at you as a grandmother to me and respected you deeply. The kids and I will honor you and take a moment of silence on your day of resting. We will always remember your stern looks you gave, smile, hugs, I love you's, old stories of when you were younger, and just the amount of love you had and gave to others. I remember the first day I met you and you gave me the biggest HUG I had gotten in a long time. I hope to see you one day and have our long talks again. I will make sure your great grandkids know who you were and what you did in your life and how amazing you were. Thank you for teaching Adalyn what you have so far. We love and miss you. Can ones' death bring many together for the better? I pray that this one does and the signs of it have already been put into effect. TO the Witten Family your in our prayers and we wish you happiness. I can only do that much since I am no longer needed and have almost come to terms with that. I hope we can be as we were before and stop putting what happens between two people affect how others treat you. I want to go MIA for a well and just travel with the kids... If life was only that simple... To everyone have a blessed day.

I did what I could....

I did what I could...I apologized and you did not care at all and could not apologize for your words or actions. You say it was all because of me but yet I wasnt the one that choose to leave you did and that has had many consequences with us, our friends and family. Families are torn secretly and we cannot even be civil with eachother because we are so upset at one another. I am done with fighting and dont plan to do it anymore. I am moving to NE Kansas and now you call me a moocher because you think I am trying to move closer to your family. I havent mooched one thing off anyone or any of your family, I bought our son everything he has because you would not help I guess a lifted truck, Ipad, and fourwheeler are more important. I am just so furious.... I pray this is the last post I write about how I am upset with you. I told you how I felt today about everything you have done from leaving me at the hospital when our son was born but you could be there for your girlfriend when she had surgery that is not right... I am finally done with all this and so happy to know you dont give two s**** about me, not even that I am the mother of your children. Now you tell me that you will sign the birth certificate and are demanding for him to have your last name. I am sorry but you lost that privilege when you denied to sign at the hospital. If my son wants to change his last name when he is older I will let him but I am the one that claimed him and you didnt. If you would have signed it he would have your name. Oh and his full name is                             CHRISTIAN EMMERICK LEE BIEGER, not just Christian Emmerick..... It is not fair to him that you choose to be dad when its convienant but you cannot help me out or offer to buy diapers or anything. Just because you have stuff at your grandparents house doesnt mean you dont try to help at all....  I am done... Got tons of packing and moved some stuff in storage today. I put tons of stuff on the curb today and I plan to do some more tonight or tomorrow night. So Adalyn came home with only having a 25 min nap and has been fighting taking one ever since she got her and throwing fits. My night started off well! I was thinking of taking the kids to the drive in but not sure now.
My prayers are with Granmama and all the family. I love you all even if there is tension you all have done great things for my kids and me and I thank you. She is a wonderful woman and this isnt fair that shes hurting and in pain. God please answer our healing prayers for her. Amen. Love all.

Could I?

So I have been thinking that I might have post-partum depression... I have been so sad and stressed the entire time I was pregnant and it has continued on after. Today I spent the day crying over Granmama, mykids, living/money situation and the mess with Tarrance. I do not know what to do. I am going to ask my friend if he will be okay with us living with him for a a couple weeks, if that. I really need to put some distance in between Tarrance and I because I know it will do us some good to be away and to stop arguing. Still have not found a place to live and still very tight on money. Still have no kind of help with expenses for my son, and its hard when you have to buy a box of diapers each week. It is only convienant for him to be dad when he picks/drops or daughter off. I bring the kids to see you when its not your time but when I ask because her cousin is in town you say NO, dont see how thats right. I am putting my foot down from here on out, NO MORE MRS. NICE GIRL.... I am tired of being put down and treated like a POS. So today I went to the hospital and when I got there he was helping his gf in the car. Then later went to see her to make sure she was okay. It really hurt me because he couldnt even stay with me the entire time of the labor I went through with our son and couldnt stay with me after I had our son because we got into a fight about him not signing the Birth Certificate. He really has changed and is not that man I fell so deeply in love with. I get his moved on and whatever but its hard for me when we have kids... I am playing both roles sometimes for both kids and its not easy when you need another person there.... UGH.... Almost       2 1/2 more weeks and I will be planning to get Mirena in and hopefully have a place to live. I really am scared to sign a year lease but might have to do it. I am terribly wanting to move back to Kansas, idk why but it really grew on me when I lived there and I miss it. I might call our old landlord and see if he might have any houses available. Once Sept rolls around I can play for a few months in advance and that could possibly get me a place without having to go through all that income crap... I got the call today from my sons' doctor that I need to take him to the hospital again to have his bili rubin tested again. Today and last night I got my room packed and almost ready to move. Tomorrow I plan to take stuff out to the curb and get stuff packed in case we cant find a place to move. I really wish I had a good family that would like to help me and my kids out to let us move in but I guess I have to learn the tough way of being a single mother of two with no family backbone except a couple people. And tomorrow I am going to be the bigger person and tell him I am done fighting and how he has made me feel I think. Maybe a letter would be better. I even made him a cheesecake today for him and he threw it on the trash, what a slap in my face. I am done writing today cause I keep crying.

Liar Liar Pants On Fire.....

I hate having to lie and I rarely do it... I also hate being lied to especially when I know the truth and ask the person about it and they cannot even tell you the truth... UGH I tried to help you out and you completely take advantage of the kindness I poured out to you... I am so fed up and ashamed of myself for continuing to see the best of you and who you were... Today has not been a good day with family sick and being stressed about stuff... I know that I am struggling but trying to belittle me about it and tell me I cannot do what is best for my family at this time is not right. I did not choose this path at all if I had my way it would go back to the way it was months ago and when everyone got along. I truly love my life and my kids and have faith in the Lord but I just feel so lost and dont have the answers for this one.
So if I dont get approved for a place by next weekend I am going to house sit for Jessica then I will either start renting a hotel room for us, move to Kansas, move with my dad, or move to Texas for a while... DECISIONS DECISIONS.....

Even in the worst time....

Prayers are need to my children's great grandmother Granmama... She is in the hospital and not doing so well and I am sad to see her in the condition she is. We love you and are praying for you.
Today my daughter went with her father but then his grandmother went into the hospital so I called to offer and get our daughter. Well I pick her up and he walks us to the car well he started his truck I asked are you not staying? No I have to run somewhere. He gets our daughter buckled in her carseat and shuts the door. I tell him if you need anything I am here for you, I know that we have been fighting but that doesnt matter right now its about Granmama and I care for you all. He replies with I have plenty of people here for me but thanks. Just hearing that response made me cry. I put myself out there for him and he still cant see that I am trying to be nice. I even came clean about what I did the past days and I am still the horrible person. What does it take to see what you are as well? Everyone needs a mirror to look in when they speak to people. If I went to pick our daughter up and you decide to use that time to see your girlfriend that is uncalled for, in my opinion... It gets harder everyday especially when you try to right your wrongs. I believe it is my time to apologize for all that I have done so I can be forgiven if not by him then my Jesus Christ...
Today my son and I had a WIC appt and it went great! He is 3 weeks, 7lb 11oz and 20in long! He is growing so fast!!!
Have a blessed day.

Trust?

Do you ever wonder who you can trust and who you cant? Well recently I am seriously questioning people in my life because I am not sure if I am able to trust certain ones. It is hard to know who is being trustworthy or stabbing you in the back. A person working against you could ruin things that could happen in the future. But I know my actions can also effect everything that may happen in the future. Enough on trust.... I got the call from Christian's doctor and his jaundice levels are 9.7 but are going down so I have to call again tomorrow and see if I need to take him back in a week. I am so thankful that his levels are going down. Today my daughter turned 18 months today!!! I cannot believe that she is growing so fast, it only feels like yesterday that we were in the hospital for a 15 hour labor and then she was here at 6pm on January 19, 2010!!! Today a friend I went to school with gave me some of her sons' clothes that he has out grew which is going to help me out alot! I put him in one of the newborn sleepers and it still swallowed him!! Today I spent the day with my children, packing our things, and cleaning the house up again! I really pray and hope that I am able to find my family a place to live... I think I made a mistake and it is making me all paranoid.... I really need to get over him and try to move on. I am really happy with my life but I know to make anything better I need to get over him. There is a place in my heart for him but it cannot be my whole heart anymore... There was a night that he spilled his feelings to me and then I did the same one night to him but thats as far as its gone. A miracle will need to happen if we ever want to fix it and do what is best for our children. All in all I have a great life! Love God, my kids, and my life...

Please...

Today I have had many breakdowns and I am at my end. I am feeling as a mother that is failing her children because I have yet to be approved for an apartment. I am financially struggling and wish it was 6 weeks so I could start working and try to find a second job, if needed. I broke down in the car ride home down and prayed to God to send answers and guidance to me and to look after my family and extended family in our down times. I have a few more places to apply but if I dont find anything that I can move in by the end of this month then I am moving all our stuff into storage and either staying with my dad, ask a friend if I can move with them for a while (it would be out of state though) or stay at a hotel for a while till I can get my school money and just pay for a rent house for a few months ahead. I really do not know what to do anymore. And there is another matter that has been in my head and hope it will go away. Why am I still wanting him when I know he is with another? I have read some things and it makes me ask that question could she be? I could be just be thinking the worst. Ugh so the child support I am suppose to be receiving for my daughter hasnt come in yet and when I asked him if he had been hired on he didnt want to answer me. Why are guys so stubborn sometimes? We are both stubborn and both our children have inherited that from us!!! Christian had another bili test done today so hoping I will hear the results tomorrow, praying that it is good. Today I cleaned a bit and packed up some stuff (more like I just tossed stuff in boxes). I really do not want to have to put stuff in storage because I will have to get another storage building. I bet I could get an apt but it would be the crappy ones and I cannot put my kids in a place like that. And no complex will let get a one bedroom because we will have 3 occupants which I hate. I am too scared to just put my daughter and I on the lease because if they find out they may try to kick me out. I have been looking all over the state for apts, I really only want something for 6 months in case I have to move far out of town I will have to attend school in January on campus. Why is it that people feel it is okay to block you on facebook when you have their grandchildren? I find it really sad that my son is being shunned by half of his family because they are mad at me for something I have no clue what I've done. We all used to be so close and I miss that but I can play hard ball too. It is looking as I am going to have to start playing harder and not let people walk all over me. I have all the proof I need now to know what I have been suspecting, his new girlfriend (they have only been together a couple months) has been around my daughter. I do not agree with that and I do not like it at all. I hate that we have joint custody and when I ask something it is felt that I do not need to know about it but when you ask me something I am suppose to spill everything to you. Yet when I do, I am still the bad person and the mean one. I go out of my way to make a call to you so our child can speak to you but I dont get the same consideration or respect I should be receiving. I know it will take time to get civil again because we are both so upset with each other. I will always love you but I dont have to agree with what is happening. I wish I was over all this, I think taking my family and moving away to get a fresh start would be great for us!!!!!
Please send prayer our way for my family.... Need all we can get right now.

Hopefully it will be down....

So my little boy has been up to the hospital twice since we have been discharged from the hospital after his birth. This is because before we discharged his bili levels (jaundice) were high. When his peditrician seen the levels he informed me that it was barelly over the high mark but would like to have him tested to see if it had gone down. Well it had gotten higher when I took him the next day. So they had him go back that Monday and it was still high but was going down. I have been putting him in the window or walking outside for a bit so he can get some sun. I have to take him back tomorrow morning and I am hoping it will be the last time. I hate that my son is going through this he is too small to have to be sick...
My kids are doing great together and it isnt so bad being a single mom of two! I do hate that I am doing it alone and do not have the moral or emotional support that you usually get from the other parent of your children. I know that one day God will send me a man that is deserving of both me and my wonderful kids that will show me moral support.
Church this morning was great! VBS kids did a great job at singing and all the lessons they learned about God. Today Pastor Kelly introduced Christian to our church! He is such a passionate pastor, I am going to talk to him about possibly dedicating my children to the Lord sometime in the next month or so. I would hope the family that is involved with my kids might consider coming to witness it, I guess we will see.
So this past weekend I was asked out on a date but not sure what I should say. I know I should probably say Yes but I am not sure about the whole dating scene anymore because I have the worst judgement in guys (showing from my short track record of guys I have dated). Ugh its hard being a single mom when you get asked out.

I love my life and my adorable children... Here is another sneak peek at our photo session....

Family!!!

FAMILY is so important to me and I have a two beautiful kids! God has truly blessed me with a great life and wonderful kids to share it with. Today we took our first family pictures!! Our photographer was Bethney she has her own home studio, B.Bright Photography! She was awesome. Adalyn took some good pictures but was more concerned with Bethney's sons toys! Christian did good he had three poopy diapers and had to eat a few times but did great! We got to use my boots, his dads hat and the blanket I made him in some of the shots! We got a couple family pictures but it was hard to keep Adalyn still! We got a couple with her and our cell phones in the pictures! Here is a sneak peek at our pictures.

I am sending my thoughts and prayers towards Granmama, she is sick right now and it hurts me to see her this way. I know we do not get to see or speak much but I am sorry and I love you. I have been blessed to get to know you these past couple years. You have given me great advise and guidance when I asked for it. Thank you Granmama, we love you and wishing you well soon.

2 WEEKS!!!!

My little boy is 16 days old. I cannot believe it... Having two kids is not as hard as I thought it might be. I love being a mother of two and each day they fulfill me more and more... Christian has been having trouble with his jaundice levels I had to take him to the hospital twice in the past week to have a bili test done. His levels are still high but are going down so Monday we are going back to have another test ran. Being a single mother of two is only hard because I am not working and have no income coming in, I feel as I am not doing what I should as a mother and have had to ask people for help lately with stuff. So almost everyday this week I have been apt hunting and I am hoping I can get approved for one without having to beg people to cosign for me. I should be starting work the middle of August and I am going to try and get a second job thru the college work study too.
Is it bad when everything reminds you of the one you loved and losted? Recently all the great and bad things we have been thru are in my head more than they have been. I am going thru a stage that I should have been going thru when I lost you but it is happening now. Even though we are mean at times to one another you always hope for good to happen.
The kids and I have been going to church every Sunday and it is really great to be back in the Lord's house and praise him. I dislike that I let us stray away from His words and guidance. Hopefully now He will lead us on the right path.
Last Sunday at bible study we read this verse and it caught my heart.....
                 Many are the plans in a person’s heart,

                but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
                           -Proverbs 19:21

At the end of the rope....

So I am enjoying being a mother of two, still hard to believe I have two kids!!! I love my babies and miss my little girl when she is with her father. My son is doing great except he had to go to the hospital Thursday to have his jaundice levels checked again. His levels were even higher so Monday we are going back to the hospital. I am praying for my son that he will be fine and the levels go down. I have been putting him in the window to get some sun but the heat is so high this summer I dont want it to get to him too bad.

I have been apartment hunting this past week and found one I want and some others I want to go look at. I have considered moving out of town because there are cheaper apartments out of the city like 30+ minutes away. I need to do what I can because I am on a limited budget and have to make it stretch till I can go back to work.

So I am at the end of the rope with all the petty drama and everything. I still cannot wrap my head around some of the things that go on. What is the right stuff to do when you are in agreement of joint custody? I dont agree with leaving a child with a 13 year old girl to babysit a child so a parent can go out and do whatever they feel like doing, and leaving a child with two kids that have never babysitted and dont care too much for babies is not right. Should the other parent have the option to watch their child in that case?

Facebook has made grown adults turn into childish individuals... It is sad to make a child delete someone because they post something on their facebook and the person it involved got upset that they got caught. When two people have a child together out of wedlock and the father refuses to sign the birth certificate because their attorney advises them too but acts like a dad but hasnt offered to help or buy diapers, what should the mother do in this situation?

When you look at your future you never expect the worst to happen to you. I thought 3 years ago I had been treated the worst I could ever be treated but it was nothing compared to now. The man I love treats me like dirt and expects me to give the world to him yet we fight after the birth of our son and he possibly ran to his girlfriends to be with her and her kids, I feel thats so disrespectful if that is where he went... I hate that he hasnt even asked if I needed help or if his son needs anything.

I am very concerned that he is taking our daughter around a girl he hasnt been dating that long and they have already broken up before. I dont want to meet her but I feel if she is around my daughter that I should meet her. I had a dream about it and it was not a good meeting it turned ugly!!!! I hate fighting with him but it just happens sometimes. When he picked our daughter up we barelly spoke to one another, how can you go from loving someone and being intimate with to being mean to one another?

Loving my life and kids. Thank you God for each and every day you bless me with.

June 29!

What a blessed day, June 29th, was! I welcomed my son, Christian Emmerick Lee Bieger, into this world. I completed my goal of having a natural birth and it was the most amazing feeling and experience I have accomplished this year! I was so thankful for all our family and friends that came down and waited for him to arrive. I could not have gotten through it if it wasnt for the amazing women that stayed by my side and Christian's father at the end. I was surprised at myself that I could go through a natural birth but it was something I really wanted to do. So far I have been very successful with breastfeeding except tonight I have a couple clogged ducts but Christian is doing great at it!!! I am so thrilled that I have been able to breastfeed so far! Adalyn was so thrilled that we were home tonight, I have missed that little girl so much I have been away from her for about a week.. I feel absolutely complete with my life and children!! Have a blessed night...

TRUST.....

TOMORROW IS MY NEXT DR APPT AND I COULD POSSIBLY BE ADMITTED!! I WAS 3CM & 50% EFFACED LAST WEDNESDAY. MY DR SAID IF I AM 5CM OR MORE THAN SHE WILL ADMIT ME!!! I AM SO EXCITED EXCEPT HIS CARSEAT STILL IS NOT HERE YET... =(

TODAY I GOT THE BEST NEWS THAT I WAS APPROVED FOR THE RENTAL HOUSE I APPLIED FOR. HE ACCEPTED ME AS A RENTOR. I HAD A ROOMMATE TO MOVE IN WITH ME THEN TONIGHT OUT OF NOWHERE SHE BACKED OUT OF MOVING IN WITH ME. SO TOMORROW I AM GOING TO HAVE TO CALL THE LANDLORD AND BACK OUT OF THE HOUSE. I AM VERY SAD BECAUSE I REALLY LIKED THE HOUSE AND IT WAS RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO MY CHILDRENS GODPARENTS. WELL I GUESS EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON BUT I WISH THIS WOULD HAVE WORKED OUT....

I GUESS I AM GOING TO GO APARTMENT HUNTING TOMORROW HOPEFULLY AND SEE IF ANYTHING PLAYS OUT TO POTENTIAL PLACE FOR MY FAMILY... I AM JUST HOPING I DONT NEED A COSIGNER CAUSE I HAVE NO ONE TO SIGN (WHICH SUCKS).....

HAVE A GREAT NIGHT!

Cannot Wait!!!

Well I went to the doctor today and it went great!!! I am now 3cm and 50% effaced... My doctor said "it will probably be a couple weeks, but if I am dilated a 5 or more than she will send me to labor and delivery after my next appt.." I am very excited to know that he is very close to make his debut! Today I got checked by my doctor and one of the nurses so I felt extra uncomfortable... I think I am pretty much ready for his arrival except I only have one newborn sleeper. I really need to find a matching outfit for all three of us for our family picture. Granny (the kids great grandmother) came to the appt today and we had a blast there and at lunch! I am hurting too much tonight and am choosing not to attend church tonight =(
Adalyn and I are praying for my friends new daughter she has been in the NICU since last night. Her white blood cell count was high and was not eating. Her white blood cell count went down but now has an infection, they are suppose to run a spinal tap to see what kind of infection she has.

Soon!!!!!!

I have my 36 week doctor appt tomorrow afternoon! My mucous plug has started to come out the past couple days!!! My appt last week went great; my doctor tested for the Group B Strep and checked my cervix! I was already dilated to 1cm and 50% effaced!! I was so glad to hear that news because she said “He should be here in a couple of weeks!”

Tomorrow Granny is going to my appt with me and she is excited. I plan to have her in the delivery room if I make it to the hospital… So far my birth plan is to go as natural as possible. With Adalyn I made it all natural for the first 12 hours and had her in the next 3 hours, I was just starving and tired that I wanted medicine to help me sleep! I need to talk to my doctor because I do not want to have an episiotomy this time because I actually felt the stitches last time. If my water breaks I do not plan to go to the hospital right away. I really want to stay home and be comfortable until I have to go to the hospital… I need to Google how to write up a birth plan…

So right now for about a week my little family and I have been living alone. My aunt moved out last week and it was out of the blue and shocked me, more like I was slapped with it in the face. I am very worried about it because I haven’t been working in the past month because there have not been any events to shoot. So I have been apartment/rental house looking every day. I have found one that I love and hope to get but I have been trying to find a cosigner and not having any luck so might have to pay a double deposit of money I had saved for my maternity leave but my kids and I need a roof over our heads.

I have had contractions when people stress me out. There are still times that a person is rude to me or feels good to yell at me that triggers my contractions. I do not know what to do about it anymore. I am the mother of our children but you claim we only have one together because our second is not here yet. Sorry I have seen that we have two kids together. Yet you can go be with a girl that has two kids and act like daddy to them. It’s really funny because from what I know and information that has been relayed to me is that you have done something to her that has been done to you that you swore you would never do. I am very thankful you never did that to me.

I will always love you so much and hope that we can get better with each other and be civil if that is all we can be. You have helped me create two kids and I will always be thankful for that and you have a special place in my heart. I have so much love for you even after what we have been through I just want us to be able to work together on things. We do have joint custody which means we work together on things and should not keep stuff about the kids from one another. I know you will probably never read this but three weeks ago I poured my heart out to you and thought we agreed on the topic of our relationship… I know everything takes time and I realize that. I do love you and realize I have faults and I know you have faults as well but I fell in love with you even with them faults. I wish you the best and hope that you can see that we have two kids together sooner rather than later. I want you to be a part of his life but it did irritate me when you forgot the appt last week and haven’t helped me provide any of the stuff for him.

I finally had enough money to buy Christian his car seat and a bouncer for him and they should be here next week! I am looking for letters to make Adalyn a “Big Sister” shirt for our family pictures! I am very excited to add her brother to our family and nervous about being a single mom of two and having both at the same time at home when we leave the hospital. We started going back to church and it felt like HOME! I didn’t realize how much I missed church until we went again; God has already started to bless my family… My car finally got registered today, more money wish I could have in my pocket instead but oh well.

Little sad note: I do feel sad because I am so alone. I feel like my friends are always so busy that I never see them and not having another parent (support person) to be around to help me. It is lonely doing it by yourself at times but I also feel like I am stronger and have accomplished so much with doing it alone.

I have not got to scrapbook in about a month because all my stuff is already packed ready to move. I have to finish making Christian’s blankets because he has no blankets what so ever.

His baby shower was fun but I really wish more people would have shown but it was still great to see the ones that went. It is really strange to not be with his father this time around because when we were expecting Adalyn everything was so different with us, the pregnancy and the families’ involvement. It is weird because everything has taken 180 degrees this pregnancy.

Why does it always happen?

Two days of crying has not done any good to my health. I have no clue why I let him get to me but him keeping my daughter from me and my family is beyond rude. I go out of my way to make sure his family sees her but when mine comes in town and I let him know three weeks ago and he says "thats fine i will bring her to the shower" now he wants to say "oh we have plans.'' whatever its crap I bring your daughter around you and your family all the time. You keep saying you do all this stuff for me but you havent. You broke my heart, havent helped or been involved with our pregnancy until last month and expect me to give you the world. I have helped you out so many times yet I ask to have her for 2 hours and you cannot spare that so our daughter can be at her brothers baby shower. Real good. You are trying to get back at me cause I might name our son something you are not happy about and that I wont give our daughters playhouse to you. I am sorry but she lives here and it will stay with her it was a gift to her.... I have helped you with taking her to your family events, taken her back early when you were suppose to have her so you could sleep, agreed for you to only get her for two days because you had things to do and when you decided to go hunting at the last minute, and when you got off work early in the morning I kept her so you could sleep and when you were sick... So I am sorry I havent helped I guess but it sure looks like I have helped quite a bit. Dont expect to get stuff handed to you, I dont run to have people watch her when I am sick or need sleep I deal with it cause that is what you do when you are a parent. All I ask is for her to stay on her sleep schedule but from getting off the phone with you I guess thats not possible either, so THANKS alot. I dont think fishing has anything to do with her bedtime routine... I am so fed up with being treated like a welcome mat to your life. You agree to help put our sons dresser together and then want to start an argument with me over stuff we had discussed the night before and get mad and leave. Then you want to completely put me down like I am some piece of crap that you can say or treat any kind of way. I am sorry but I really dont think your parents raised you to treat women that way especially not the mother of your two children. I am beyond pissed and hurt. I have never put you down to make you feel like crap. I have been screwed by you too many times and do not understand why I hold out some hope for you. Really do not know what I am going to do now. I show you respect and try to be civil even when I am pissed at you. I have been and taken so much crap this break-up and pregnancy that I cannot wait to move away to get away from it all. I am so exhausted of it all and do not see how anyone can treat someone so wrong. I am tired of crying but its all you seem to make me do anymore... I really do not think I can be around you too much longer if you continue to treat me wrong. Never thought I fell in love with someone that would turn into this or make me question myself and my actions. I have shed so many tears over you that I could flood Oklahoma.....

UGH........

I am so tired of posting sad or upsetting blog posts. I just cannot catch a break longer than a day.

My sweet baby girls allergies started acting up today and she was attached to my hip (WHICH I LOVE!!!!!) My son was a little quiet today. I spent the day with Bayli and Khayden. Bayli and I both got a new pair of tennis shoes. I do not really wear tennis shoes I wear my cowboy boots all the time! But my mom sent me money to go buy some so I did. I love my mommy!!

Well I found out some more stuff that a certain person said about me last year after my daughter was born. All I need to say is grow up and I am a good mother and person. I have not done anything to you and still havent, I know in the end I know what kind of mother and person I am. Its hard to believe that someone at that age should be more mature and not speak bad on me when I am a GREAT mother/person. I do not go around talking about your parenting or how you have messed up so keep it to yourself. We have all messed up and I know I got pregnant at 18 but it was the Most AMAZING gift I have been given. My daughter is so great and you and anyone else should be blessed to have her in your life and experience that moment with me.... I might have gotten pregnant at 18 but I graduated high school, I am still attending college FULL TIME, and working. So on top of that I have a BEAUTIFUL 16mth old daughter and expecting a son in about 6 weeks and still attending college FULL TIME and working on top of that. And plus certain people trying to bring me down. I am srry but I will not allow any person to put me down because I am winning I have a daughter that I adore and love, a son that is going to be great and a disfunctional family but they are so great to me and support me every way they can. Thank you to my mother who has raised me to be a strong independent and honest woman/mother. Yes I miss her everyday but still blessed for what she has taught me and let me experience.... My father wasnt in my life much but is now and he is helping me each day. I am shielding someone because I do not want tension between them if everything was to be known.

I am starting a 52 week BIBLE reading in June and hopefully we will be back in the church very soon! I plan to get my children dedicated at the sametime and that will be open to any and all family members when it happens. I love God, my children, family, friends, and my LIFE!

Can the Bad Stop?

First I want to say "CONGRATS" to Colby, my babies uncle! I wish I could have been there but with all the drama I decided not to go....So I continue to go back and forth on the middle name of our son. I really like Lee but Aimee mentioned Dee after his grandfather Shannon and that has appeal to me.... not sure what to do.... Adalyn is doing so great and starting to feed her baby dolls which is adorable!!! She will be a big sister shortly! I am 32wks and 3days pregnant!! Just about 7 weeks tops and he will be here! I am truly blessed with my kids and I thank God for them and every opportunity I am given.

I didnt get to go to the graduation but I did get to tell him I was proud of him. Yesterday had to be the a good day and turn into a crappy night. I was able to see my childrens family which I thought was nice but the way I felt being around them wasnt what I thought it would be. I love all of them but yet I was treated as an outsider and heard something from a guy that I am so tired of being disrespected from that I cried. I know that they are not trying to cross him but in the same it was as I was crap in their eyes. Here I go crying again writing this... I just cant help it. I cried the entire way home. I have shared some pretty intimate and emotional things with him and I know we are both in the wrong but he continues to treat me as I am dirt and not sure what I have done to deserve it. At least you could do is be civil in front of our daughter and actually acknowledge that I exist but you choose to say only two words to me and not say "THANK YOU" until I leave and you have to text me. I dont understand it. I dont treat you that way and I dont ask my family to disown you or act as you are nothing. My mom still asks about you and my dad too. It breaks my heart all over again and I wish it didnt because it hurts me and the kids.

And last week was another hard week with what happened... He finally came to an appt, this one made it the 3rd one he has been too. But it wasnt a good experience. Why is it okay to be on your phone the entire time texting another girl calling her "BABE" right next to me??? I dont think that is right and then act as you did nothing wrong. Then I offer for you to come see your daughter and you cant because there is something or someone in Shawnee that was more important. I have to admit it still hurts me but I know he wants to be 21 and single or go party but I think I deserve some respect for you to not do that in front of me....

I am trying to be nice but everytime I am nice I get ran over and do not understand why... So apparently I am a golddigger because I invited my childrens family to my baby shower... That really disgusts me honestly, I havent asked money of anyone, I have been the parent to buy the large and some small things for our son after someone refused to help me out. Baby showers are thrown to help the parents out but whatever. Just because you get an invite does not mean you have to attend. I sent a 3d photo to everyone and thought it was a nice thing, I am only trying to include their family in their lives.... When you get told doing that is bad and you are only trying to do a kind thing its funny because it makes you think well maybe I shouldnt include any of the ppl that think that and then would I be a nice or mean person then....

At times I wish I could move my family away or win the lottery to make all the bad stuff go away. It is all weighing so heavily on me and wish I wasnt dealing with this during my pregnancy....

INVITES AND STUFF!

Finally I got the baby shower invites mailed out! I am so excited to have the shower and see all my friends and family. Except I am scared no one will come because lately when I plan events people end up having stuff come up and cant come but hopefully people will make time for me and my son to join in this joyous time of mine and Adalyns life! I thought the invites turned out really cute but that could be because I made them!
I want to say CONGRATS to the Witten-Davis Family in Kansas because Aimee and Shannon were finally able to adopt her daughter CORA! I am so glad it finally happened and I know they are all so pleased and blessed!
I have another doctor appt this Thursday, as well as, court. I am excited for the doctor appt but not court. My childrens father is suppose to go to the doctor appt with me but I guess we will see if he comes to this appt. I will be 31 weeks on Wednesday!!!!! I can hardly believe my son will be here in 2 months!! Adalyn says "BUBBA" all the time!
At hobby lobby there is so much COWBOY FRAMES & WALL DECOR that I want to get Christian. They have tons of girly stuff and some large BUTTERFLIES that I need to get Adalyn for her room!!!!
Well we are having to be moved by the end of the month and still have no place to live yet... We looked at a potential house the other day but its only 2bd/2bth/2 car. The kitchen and living room were huge but I would be sharing the master room with both my children which can go great or be a disaster! I just wish my family was together again.... I love my kids though and they give me reason to live each day to the fullest and provide for them.
I havent been able to see my mom in a month and I am so ready to see her and hug her. Her birthday is next month on Fathers Day. I love her and wish she was here for me but I do have a couple women in my life that I consider as second mothers and they are great...
I registered for my classes and I might be retaking some of the classes I took this semester because I want to raise the grade in them. I had a really difficult semester and hope this next one and future ones go better. I planned my schedule to be all online classes with one entire semester class, 2 early 8wk classes, and 2 late 8wk classes!!!
Got to get ready for work!!
Oh I am thinking of making a home binder and need some ideas!!!!!

Strange...

Last night had to be the most surprising night I never suspected to happen. Cannot say what happen but in a strange way I am glad it did. I now know the answers to some questions that have been running through my head and then I got some had predicted to happen. I must say thanks for letting me know and that I am okay with knowing what I know because I am mature and will not hold a grudge or be angry. I have grown this year so much in to a Woman I am so proud of and thankful to be put on this path. Thank you God for each and everyday you continue to bless my life with your presence, my babies, family, friends and just the chance to live and grow. Now I know I have been out of church for a few months but I do still have faith and pray. I can tell our Lord is with myself and children everyday. He has guided me to a path and life where I am stronger and able to say "It is okay and I completely understand why you choose to take that road without me." I love you and will always have a place for you in my heart and wish you the absolute best in life and your career.
My birthday was beyond amazing!! A couple of my favorite women got me a great gift and I cannot wait to try it out. I had a great dinner and lunch with some great ladies and kiddos! All in all my day was great that day. I had a 3d ultrasound the day before and was so thrilled to be able to get that for myself and my children to see when they grow up. It was a little strange to be able to see all of his features. I wish I was able to have that same experience with my daughter when she was in my belly but it was a great surprise to find out she was identical looking to her father!
So lately I have been making so many crafts and baby essentials. Just last week I made my friend Caitlin a baby blanket and burp cloths for her daughter. I had made some binky leashes but have not been able to find any suspender clips in the color silver. I have been working on my goddaughters gifts as well. I need to go find some adorable material to start on my sons. My bestfriend Jessica just found out her husband and her are going to be having a son in October! There is another boy to find material for, they are huge Yankees fans.
This pregnancy has been completely different from my first. This time around I have had mild Braxton Hicks contractions. I am thinking I will not make it to my July 20 due date, I give myself till July 6-9 to have him honestly.
Well enjoy the photos! Always have faith in God and yourself.

 

 

28 WEEKS!!!

       CANT BELIEVE I HAVE 12 WEEKS OR LESS TILL I MEET MY LITTLE BOY CHIRSTIAN!!! SO IT HAS BEEN JUST ABOUT 3 MONTHS SINCE EVERYTHING CRUMBLED AND I AM OVER IT FOR THE MOST TIME BUT STILL FIND IT DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE, FORGET, AND TRY TO MEND MY HEART BACK TO TOGETHER.

        I CANT FORGIVE COMPLETELY CAUSE IT HAPPENED AGAIN AND THIS TIME THE DETAILS WERE ALREADY IN MOTION. DATE WAS SET, VENUE PAID, AND DRESS ORDERED'/BEING MADE... EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HIM AT TIMES ESPECIALLY OUR CHILDREN.

        TRYING TO FORGET IS DIFFICULT ESPECIALLY WHEN I CONTINUE TO FIND OUT MORE AND MORE STUFF ABOUT WHAT HE IS DOING AND EVERYTHING. I GET THAT YOU ARE YOUNG BUT DONT GIVE A RING AND PROMISE TO BE THERE AND THEN WALK AWAY. IDK FOR SURE WHY YOU DID IT BUT YOU CANT ALWAYS RUN WHEN THINGS GET HEAVY. YOU ARE YOUNG AND HAVE DREAMED OF THOSE TOYS AND DRINKING NOW ITS LEGAL. I GUESS IT DOESNT MATTER THAT WE HAD DREAMS TOGETHER AND A FAMILY... I HATE HEARING OF ALL PPL YOU TEXT NOW, THE NEW OUTDOOR TOYS, OR NEW GADGETS ON A TRUCK THAT YOU HAVE PURCHASED CAUSE YOU DONT HAVE A STAY AT HOME MOTHER/FIANCEE AT YOUR SIDE ANYMORE.

        JUST NOW YOU START ASKING HOW I AM OR IF YOU CAN BE MORE INVOLVED. ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS AND JUST NOW YOU ASK. IVE ASKED FOR HELP BUT HAVE BEEN TURNED AWAY AND THATS NOT RIGHT OR FAIR TO OUR SON. I AM GLAD THAT YOU CAN SEE A LITTLE CLEARER BUT THERE IS MORE THAT YOU NEED TO SEE AND I HOPE YOU SEE THAT SOONER THAN LATER. I DO LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL BUT MY HEART WAS RIPPED UP BY YOU WITH NO CONCERN. I KNOW WHAT HAPPEN THE NIGHT OF OR THE NEXT DAY AFTER WE SPLIT AND WHAT HAPPEN WAS VERY WRONG AND DISRESPECTFUL. THINGS LIKE THAT MAKE ME QUESTION IF I WAS TRULY LOVED MY THAT MAN.

         I LOVE MY CHILDREN AND THATS WHAT MY LIFE STANDS FOR. MY DAUGHTER IS THE MOST AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL SMART 15 MONTH OLD I KNOW. I ENJOY EVERY SECOND WITH HER AND CAN NOT IMAGINE BEING WITHOUT HER, THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING ME. MY SON I LOVE ALL THE MOVING AROUND YOU DO IN MY BELLY AND HOW YOU LOVE EVERY KIND OF FOOD! I AM COUNTING THE WEEKS AND DAYS TILL YOU COME.

         TODAY I BOOKED MY FAMILY FOR A PHOTO SHOOT AFTER CHRISTIAN JOINS US! I AM SO EXCITED! I GOT SOME MATERIAL TO MAKE ADALYN A LIGHT BLANKET AND GIFTS FOR MY GODDAUGHTER AND JENTRI (CAITLINS LITTLE GIRL)!!

         I FOUND OUT YESTERDAY THAT ADALYNS GRAMMY (MY 2ND MOM), WAS GIVING ME HER CRICUT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!! I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT AND I AM SO EXCITED AND BLESSED AND THANKFUL THAT SHE THOUGHT OF ME ENOUGH TO WANT TO PASS IT DOWN TO ME!

      WELL ALL IS WELL WITH THE PREGNANCY EXCEPT ALL THE PELVIS PAIN... THE DOCTOR SAID IF I GET CONTRACTIONS WITH THE PAIN TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. I HAVE A TOUGH DECISION AHEAD OF ME WITH CHRISTIANS NAME AND IF HE SHOULD BE IN THE ROOM AT THE TIME OF THE BIRTH, NOT SO SURE WHAT TO DO.... HELP!!!!!!

       MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 2 DAYS CAN HARDLY BELIEVE I WILL BE 20!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

LONG AWAITED......

I am 26 weeks and 2 days!!! Can hardly believe I have 13 weeks and 5 days left or 95 days left!!!! I am so excited for Adalyn to meet her little brother... She felt him for the first time the other day, he wasnt moving but she felt his arm.

Speaking of my precious daughter; I got her and Christians cribs tonight and put hers together even though we are moving sometime, hopefully soon, I bought materials to make her a canopy. I plan to get her Easter basket together Sunday. She is so full of life and her top two molars are both through the skin.. She has a favorite stuffed animal its her JAGUAR! She loves to blow kisses and talk up a storm... She is going to spend Sunday and Monday with her father. We are all three going one of those days to get her Easter bunny picture done.. When we are together for those few minutes it feels as we are a family for a short time again.

So I have been to Kohls so much lately because I had to buy a couple nice things for work and of course they were too BIG. Then I exchanged a shirt and had to take it back again!! Well tonight when I was getting the cribs the lady asked if I was having TWINS... I am sorry I know it was probably because I was getting two cribs but really am I that BIG to seem as I am having twins??

I am very sad that we are not in church anymore but scared to go to a new church... I really want to go back to where we were going but dont want to impose on Jessica at her church if she is not okay with it.

Saturday we are having lunch with my dad and his wife for my BIRTHDAY dinner. Really hoping that I can get this 4d ultrasound on my birthday. I also found a great photographer with a great special going on that I am thinking of hiring to do our family/newborn pictures after Christian is here and she will help with the birth annoucements too! I would love to make them but not sure if I will be up to it...

I am making my baby shower invites and not sure where the girls are going to throw the party now because we are not moving into the house where we were going to have it at...

I have been applying to jobs to hopefully get a second job for a few hours a day monday thru friday... I know I might be taking on alot but I have my two kids and myself to think about... I have a small part time job on Fri-Sat-Sundays sometimes but not alot of hours so it sucks.... I would love to get a job at a new apartment complex so I could possibly get an apartment for free!

Well I am going to get some sleep cause my little girl will be up aroun 7am and ready to go then ready for a nap around 10-11am!!!

Sleep well all!

Fun!!

So today we spent most of the day at the zoo with Adalyn's Granny and cousin Addyson! We had loads of fun! Adalyn is 14 mths and Addyson is 9 mths old... All day people kept asking "aww you have twins!" No sillys they are cousins! I guess the baby bump + two little girls that are similiar looking + our granny = me looking like a mother of two or of twins and expecting a third... I would not know what I would do if I did have twins and expecting another baby and doing it alone.... Man I would be super woman/MOM!!!

I have been scrapbooking every free chance I get (which I dont get alot)... I dont mind the little time I dont have cause my time that is gone is spent every minute with my beautiful daughter... Even today when she was exhausted we still had a blast when we got home... We played peek-a-boo with eachother and gave away kisses to one another!

My children's WONDERFUL Grammy is an amazing scrapbooker! Aimee (Grammy) and Nana (Betty) are making Christian's baby book. Aimee got the first page finished and it looks so CUTE! Thank you Aimee, and for always being there for me even though it puts you in a tough position... I love you and you still have a place in my heart. Your beautiful kids I still consider them as my siblings even though I am not marrying your son and father of my children anymore (or at least right now)....

Two Years Almost....

I am absolutely speechless because it will be two years May 26-27 since I was in high school. On May 26, 2009 I found out I was expecting my first child and the next day I graduated from high school. I then went on to attend school at OSU in Stillwater. I had fun there but the best part was my pregnancy. I was blessed with a great man at the time, we had some amzing times that we shared together. We welcomed a beautful little girl on Jan 19, 2010 at 6pm. We moved to Kanas together and started our lives as one. Everything was great, we were engaged in March and then in April, one day I was so fulfilled and the next my happy fairytale was gone. I moved back to Oklahoma, transferred schools, and got a job as well as being a single mother. I finally was succeeding on my own again and then my prince decided to come back in my life. At the time I had doubts but he seemed to change. Well November we got engaged once again and in December we got the news we were expecting our second child! Christmas was amazing and busy... January 19 our daughter turned 1! Could hardly believe she was one already! The wedding plans were in full swing, the dress was being made, date set, girls picked, and venue booked. And at the end of the month, BAM, fairytale was gone with the snap of the fingers again. Surprise, Surprise... After that I went through a time that was harder on me then dealing with the incarneration of my mother. I lost the love of my life and I still do not know why completely... And know I am starting to love myself again and starting to think I will find the man that will want me, love me and my kids as much as I do. I used to dream and think and was planning the wedding of my dreams but now I cant stand the site of weddings, wedding shows, wedding/engagement photos because mine was completely destroyed. I know I will never get the full truth or an apology for the way I was treated but I think I am okay with that. In life things are not fair and I have never had a fair hand dealt to me. I have had to work for almost everything in my life and I do not want to have to work to be loved... Currently I am going through a joint custody battle that has turned in to middle school drama with people I will not name or speak poorly on. I once respected some of these people but now I have no clue but I know that I will be seeing them forever because we are a form of "extended" family. I know that I will fight to be the bigger person in all this because its best for my babies. On a better note, I am due July 20, 2011, and I am having a little boy. I am naming him Christian Lee, he is kicking right now! I am 24wks and 6 days tonight. I love to scrapbook, make baby stuff, and have a big addiction to buying baby stuff! I have bought my daughter a new crib and most of everything I will need for my son. I am suppose to be moving with my aunt hopefully this week. I have a part time job on the weekends as a photographer/assistant. But I am going to try and find another part time job on the weekdays. I still attend college full time and I am going to be a RN. My daughter and I are going to start going to church again because it feels like the time is needed to be dedicated to our Lord. I love that I can see the best even in the worst times. God Bless everyone. I want to thank the family and friends that have stood by me and been so kind to give advice and love to us....

Ready for it to be over......

So I can barelly hide the fact that I am stressed and ready for everything to be settled.

My daughter got her ears pierced and went to the zoo. My unborn son is kicking hard enough to feel him on the outside. All the major pieces for my daughter and son have arrived finally. Not sure how I am managing doing all this but I am. I got my daughter her bedding back finally, a new crib, tons of clothes and crafts for me to make her!! For my son bedding, crib & dresser, swing, playpen and clothes and bottles.

A couple of my close friends are throwing me a baby shower in June that I am super excited about. The babys theme is Western! I am growing more and more everyday... I am due July 20. Its pretty crazy cause I have so many friends that we are all due around the same times!

I got a new job that I start tomorrow hopefully. I am a little scared but hoping it all goes well! I am still looking for a car because mine is undriveable and using my aunts is hard because she needs it sometimes as well. On top of all that we are moving next weekend to another house and I am excited but I dont have alot of people to help us and I hate unpacking! I was suppose to visit my mother tomorrow but looks like I wont be able to make it. I sure do miss her and cant wait for her to be home...

I am taking my daughter to the Shriners circus on Sunday with her cousin Khaiden and his mom Bayli! None of us have ever been... I bought tons of crafts to hopefully figure something out to make my daughter and then somethings to use in my rooms. I have to order a new comforter set because mine has a huge slit in it and I am still using it cause its not terrible but the stuffing is starting to come out...

I had a doctor appt Wednesday and it went great! Christian is good his heartbeat was 150bpm and my belly is measuring at a 24!

Well thats all for tonight!!

Where to Start....

Its been a while since I have written. A lot has happen since the last post not sure if I wrote last time but I am a single mother again and struggling to make ends meet. I am 21wks and 6 days pregnant with a little boy. Their father and I split at the end of January and it has been hard to forget about him. I truly love him with all my heart and wish we could have worked whatever happened out. I am naming our son Christian Lee Bieger. Adalyn got her first molar in a couple weeks ago and is a little climber! I have no help with buying anything for our son so I have been scraping together any money to get stuff for him and I had to get Adalyn another crib because her original one is being kept from me. I hate to be going through this but I have to get through it for my kids and it will make me a stronger mother and person in the end. We are supposed to go to court for joint custody which has hit me pretty hard and not sure what to think of it all. I am ready to be over all of this drama with him and his family as well. I feel like the bad person in all of this and I am being treated terribly by some of them. You cannot expect people to shun me just cause you say so and turn our friends against me but I guess it’s happening so whatever. I thought I had people close to me that I could trust but I do not think I do I can only trust in my kids and myself. I hate to say that but it’s all about my kids. I am tired of being stressed, emotionally, and mentally drained. I want to start our lives and not worry about drama and people keeping tabs on me, please let us live our lives and let me enjoy this pregnancy. I am so torn on what to do with this pregnancy when the time comes to deliver my little blessing. I love everyone that has been there for me. Thank you so much.

My little gifts from GOD!

I am so blessed to have a great daughter and a little boy on the way! I have bought him one sleeper and a cowboy sign. Adalyn has gotten about 5 new outfits that I got her. She has been mimicing me for the past week and its adorable. She started saying BUBBA and SISTER, and can almost say TRICIA! She is very smart. I love my life and my kids. I took Adalyn to the park the other day with her cousin Khayden... I cant believe that she is already 13 months and Wednesday I get to hear my little Christian's heartbeat... I bought some flannel material to make a recieving blanket and burp rags with but Walmart was out of the sewing machine I wanted, I guess I will try to make them another time. I am meeting up with the kids' Granny and aunt Rachel at Cheesecake Factory. Have a great night...

OUT OF TOUCH....

Hello all it has been months since I have been blogging... Alot has happened in these months. First my daughters father and I worked things out and got engaged then began planning our wedding. i am recently single again... My sweet Adalyn is almost 13 months old, I cannot believe how fast she is growing. I am expecting a baby boy on July 20. His name will be Christian! I am very blessed to still have the support of my family. Adalyn started walking on her own the week of Christmas and it has been fun but she is always into stuff. Christmas and her birthday she got so many toys that I still have no clue what to do with them all! She is adored by many and I am very blessed that God gave her to us. I cannot imagine my life without her. My bestfriend and her husband are expecting their first child they are about 6 weeks along now. I have three other friends that are exoecting as well, two of them with their second babies and both are getting the opposite as they already have, and my other friend is expecting her first and bless her she is high risk and she is almost 20 yrs old. My friend Stacy is due 2mths before me, Caitlin is due a month before me, and Brittany is due a month after me! I am very blessed to have my family and friends behind me and my kiddos!! I will blog later!